


I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do

by ValkyrieIsabella



Series: when the ashes hit the ground [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieIsabella/pseuds/ValkyrieIsabella
Summary: Title from 'Talk' by Hozier. Taylor Hawke and Anders share a quiet, soft moment while on the expedition to the Deep Roads.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke
Series: when the ashes hit the ground [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896034
Kudos: 11





	I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written my Hawke in ages and I've missed her so... so much.

Taylor was woken suddenly thanks to a nearly heartbreaking scream of _‘no!’_ that she was thankful didn’t come from her baby sister- but instead came from Anders. Yet before she could fully register what had happened- before she could sit up, wipe the sleep from her eyes-, and ask Anders if he was alright, what was wrong, he’d already crossed to the opposite side of their small, makeshift camp.

Taylor sighed softly, running her fingers through her hair before yawning and standing up, barely making out the blurry figure that sat just feet away. She took the same path he had, approaching on silent feet, touching his shoulder lightly to warn him he was there before finally talking.

"Anders, are you alright?"

Her voice was soft, an attempt to keep from disturbing anyone else they’d set up camp with- Bethany included. Yet, Taylor noticed the way Anders’ hands shook before he clasped them together, causing her to frown. She wondered what had happened, yet wanted him to speak first- all she knew for sure was that she didn’t want to leave the man on his own.

“Do you know about the dreams that wardens have? They never leave. They never stop- but they’re something you eventually get used to as a warden. It’s a never ending voice. It’s a _legion._ Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?”

Taylor shook her head in response to him- and it was a truthful answer. She didn’t know what it was like for wardens, having not even gotten to her Joining before being pushed from Ostagar with her little brother on her heels. The whole day was a blur to her, mostly thanks to the pure shock that came from leaving Ostagar so suddenly then turning around and leaving the home that she’d known the longest.

“No, I don’t know what that’s like. If I had left for Ostagar days before Lothering was destroyed with Carver, I probably would have. Or, maybe he would,” Taylor started, feeling the same pang of sadness that usually came with speaking about her father, only to deal with the same feeling when she’d talk about her little brother now too, “because Carver was adamant he was going to be a Warden. We fought alongside King Cailan’s forces for a spell, then… all I remember is being told to flee. I got home in time just to watch the place I’d spent my life go up in flames.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

A sigh, followed by Taylor shaking her head- even though she knew that Anders couldn’t see, since he wasn’t looking at her- then settling on the ground just beside where Anders sat.

“Honestly? I stopped loving it when Father died. When he was gone, everything felt empty. Like it had lost color. Mother and I… well. We wanted it to seem normal for Bethany and Carver. I took random jobs, you know, as you do. Or… as you do when you feel like helping your family is all your responsibility after your father passes away.”

Taylor found herself staring ahead, at the decorated cave wall as her mind drifted to all the times she, her father, and Carver had gone to other villages to go about their own things while Bethany stayed home with their mother. She remembered helping Carver practice for becoming a templar- something that they all recognized as irony, given his twin sister and their father were both mages. Yet, more than anything, Taylor missed these moments with her father and Carver both.

“How did you get that scar on your hand, Hawke? Getting scrappy with templars? Thieves? It must be an interesting story.”

For just a brief moment, Taylor truly wondered if the mage was able to read minds and hadn’t told anyone. Yet as she realized she had let her shoulders drop and posture change, she figured that Anders could tell she was deep in her own mind- even Varric himself would have been able to tell.

“Nothing quite so fun, I’m afraid! Don’t laugh when I tell you. You are not allowed to laugh, not even a little giggle. I got the scar when I was… sixteen? Perhaps I was older. I was working a tavern. Helping them prepare dinner that night. And, well. I looked away for a moment, and the next thing I know is my hand just… burned and stung, and the woman beside me was screaming. I got this stupid thing chopping _vegetables_ of all things…”

Taylor looked at Anders when she heard him snort, noticing how there was the subtlest of smiles on his face that she could see plainly, even in the low light from their torch. Subtle as it was, however, it was more than enough to soften his look. A glance into the Anders that Taylor found herself wanting to see more.

“Look at that! You smiled! Never would have thought you were capable of such a thing, since you keep that adorably grumpy _someone took my cookie_ look on your face all the time. Seems the Maker really blessed me with a small miracle.”

“You may want to count your blessings more often then, sweetheart. I know I laughed, but you don’t need to worry- you aren’t the only one with a scar with a terribly stupid story behind it.”

She watched him move, tilting her head to the side as he raised his shirt just enough to expose a scar on his hip, just above where his pants sat, “I got this one here from making a medication for someone at the clinic. It went clean through my robes. I smelled something burning, and didn't think twice because it’s Darktown. Everything smells burnt. Then I realized that I was the thing burning.”

Taylor laughed once Anders finished his story, covering her mouth as she did- a little late to not interrupt Varric, who slept like a corpse, and Bethany. The rest of their crew she knew wouldn’t be bothered, given how distanced they all were from one another. Yet still, she glanced behind them once to double check she hadn’t woken anyone before glancing back at Anders with a smile on her face- and noting the one on his, as well.

Almost months ago now, when Varric had initially told her of the warden who was residing in Darktown, Anders was the farthest thing from what she had expected. If anything, she’d thought he was an older, more grizzled man- one who’s survived through Loghain’s betrayal much like the Hero had- yet, meeting the man who ran a clinic and had amber eyes wasn’t what she expected. Though he wasn’t what she’d thought he’d be, she was drawn to him, that much was undeniable.

Drawn to him as she was, she still had no idea how things quickly escalated as they easily did. One moment, she was simply trying to comfort a friend after a bad dream. Simply sitting at his side and talking with him so he wouldn’t feel so alone. Until she realized she had moved closer to him- though she doubted she consciously meant to, not when they were Maker knew how many feet underground with a chill in the air and the man was _warm_. Taylor still found herself looking at him and smiling again, taking note of how he refused to look at her again until she carefully placed a hand on his forearm.

“So… are you alright now, Anders? Are you truly?”

Anders nodded, resting a hand on top of hers before glancing over at her, “I’m fine. The dreams happen nightly, as I told you. So it’s nothing to worry about- I’ll try and be quiet next time we sleep. I do appreciate your companionship, though, H- _Taylor.”_

“Right! Good. I just wanted to make sure, is all. Worry about my friends, you know. I like everyone best when they get the sleep they need.” Taylor said softly, leaning close to him and kissing his cheek gently. She felt him tense and was about to apologize before Anders looked at her, that same subtle smile from before crossing his features as he looked at her.

“You _‘just wanted to make sure?’_ Could have fooled me. It almost feels like you’ve got ulterior motives on your mind.

She found herself simply smirking at the mage before she was opening her mouth to speak- perhaps to defend herself, she thought- until Anders moved to rest a hand on the back of her head, which caused her breath to catch in her throat. Close as they were, she noticed the subtle smell of elfroot and some form of spice as she moved closer, able to press her forehead against his.

“Oh! And I’m the one with ulterior motives!” she teased, smiling when Anders laughed. She saw how his eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed, making him look almost nothing in a way that she’d not seen him before. 

And yet, she felt like she had when she was just seventeen, when she had her first kiss in a small village while sitting on a dock as she and her father had traveled while searching for Taylor her first set of real daggers, with some boy she’d only known for hours. At twenty-four, Taylor knew that Anders’ company was much better than some random boy, and the warmth from his hand was a comfort instead of threatening.

If she could only tell her heart that fact as it pounded wildly in her chest. She held her breath for just a moment when Anders just _slightly_ tilted his head, with her mind screaming at her that this is what she wanted- it was something she’d thought of like a teen girl often, though she’d never tell anyone. To hide how she was feeling, Taylor copied his action- which brought a smile to his face as she finally, _finally,_ realized just how close Anders was to her.

“Maker’s breath.” Anders finally murmured, which confused Taylor for a moment. It had her wondering if something had gone wrong- if she’d done something wrong- until he was the one who finally closed the gap between the two of them, his lips pressed against hers softly. 

Taylor’s eyes slipped shut as she took that moment to remember how his fingers gently curved around the back of her neck, how his lips were chapped but they kept the kiss itself soft- a little unexpected, but soft. She wanted to remember how his other hand came to rest on her cheek gently, almost as though he was afraid that she’d break at the slightest touch.

Then he broke the kiss- all too early. Taylor furrowed her brows when she opened her eyes, in question and annoyance both.

“I… I’m sorry. Perhaps I should have thought that over-”

Taylor shook her head before interrupting Anders, placing both of her hands on the sides of his face to pull him close again, kissing him- this kiss different from the first, just a little more urgent, just a little needy. It was more her showing _him_ what exactly it was that she wanted.

When they finally broke apart the second time, Taylor tried to catch her breath, smiling when Anders just pressed his forehead against hers.

“Now, what were you saying, Anders? You should have thought what over, exactly? The fact we haven’t done that before, or that we should do it again? _Can_ we do it again?”

**Author's Note:**

> I turned 25 today and my gift to myself was writing these two doll babies who I've fallen head over heels back in love with.


End file.
